apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
