Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
