she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ ðŸ‘ðŸ¼
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
