You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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