they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
