Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
