wrigley field is MILF paradise
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm always down for nudity.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
