From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
