I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
