I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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