i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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