Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
