So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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