Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
