My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
