Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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