He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
