I am spending my child support on dildos
sarcasm needs its own font
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
