I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
