Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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