Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
