That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Is it because I queefed?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
