Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize
