Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
