Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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