she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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