i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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