Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
