I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I didn't shave. On purpose
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
