there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Sober January is a disaster.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
