haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
