I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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