So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She tied me up with her honor cords...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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