So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
