hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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