My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
