i don't like sucking hair
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I booty called her while she was in labor.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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