I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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