the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
