PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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