We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
