i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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