3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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