This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
