don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
