So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
