We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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