My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
nutella sex= disaster
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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