Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
