long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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