my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
